The first big accomplishment I have achieved on this new job is that I finished upgrading the clients filing system. I took me one and half days to go through about 2000 files. The old handwriting roller tapes have been removed and the new printing labels and index strips look so neat and tidy, which make it much easier for people who try to get access to those files. I have noticed that the time spent on “haunting” in the compactus has dramatically reduced for everybody. There is no more complain about why they can’t find someone’s file, why the file was being put in the wrong place or how hard to read the client’s name on the roller tape blah blah blah.

This morning, Les walked into my office. She tried out the new thing and got what she wanted quickly. But when she was trying to put the file back, she started to seem a bit too cautious, worrying about messing up the new system. I laughed at her “what are you hesitating about?” She said “I just don’t want to smack up your system”. She is such a nice lady and I believe she spoke what she thinks. But……is this MY system? Do I have a system?

After all this, I started to look towards back and re-consider if I am actually living in SOME systems that I established by myself and how much I have to rely on them. They are not just something seen in workplace but something exist everywhere in my life, about how I eat, how I sleep, how I wear, how I interact with others…..I see how many rules that are ruling my life and how much freedom I have been given by this kind of ruling and meanwhile how little of it has been left with me. Some kinky habits of mine, like folding up clothes in a certain way, wiping the falling leaves in the backyard at least once a week, must putting on clean underwear after I wash my hair, never use coat on lip gloss before I use mascara and so on, look so odd, but they work well with me as if they were brought up natually. It is so insane, but they are growing on me because actually I find that I do like them.

My husband and I used to talk about the contradiction between creativity and discipline. We all agree that too much discipline cause people’s low creativity, especially on kids. But with all the tradition, culture even our parenting behaviours genetically passing down from one generation to another, I doubt if we could make it a real change in the future when we have a child. I would hate being the one shouting at him or her what s/he must do or must not do, but I equally have no idea if I would love to appreciate whatever interests him or her. I really don’t know what it would look like at that stage