On my 40 week’s pregnancy visit, the doctor said that the labour often starts when it’s the least expected. Well, what’s new? People tell you the same thing when you try to fall pregnant.

But at least there is one thing that they said were right. No two labours are the same.

Mine started not very long after the dinner on the 15th January, after some sort of bloody show that has been coming and going in the past 24 hours.

Initially it was like period cramps, since it’s nothing like what I have had in the last 9 months and I was already 4 days overdue, I knew that “the game has begun”.

9pm, 15/01/2010
I used an iPod application as a timer to record the duration of each contraction and the intervals. It was about 6 to 10 minutes apart.

11pm,15/01/2010
I tried to sleep, but my mind was so alert that I couldn’t help noticing the pain. The contractions were getting to about 6-7 minutes apart.

So now you see, it’s nothing like what you heard from those textbooks — you first get contractions with a 15-20 minutes interval, then they progress gradually to get closer and closer within hours time. So forget about it! When it is there, it’s there. It’s so vivid, you feel it and you know it is THE TIME.

Was I panic? The answer is NO. To be honest, I would say that I was being rather hesitate than being nervous. To me, it was more like a weighing game. “Should I ring hospital now or not ring”？

I don’t want to bother the hospital too early which would only makes me look silly, neither do I want to have a baby in the car or at home before I can make the trip to the right place who can at least cut the cord properly.

12:30am, 16/01/2010
Finally, the worries won the battle over my self-esteem. I rang the maternity ward in the hospital, telling them I think I was in the labour but not quite sure if the contractions were regular enough.

The midwife on the duty was quite calm. Maybe that’s what is needed before “the big moment” that is coming. She asked me to watch over carefully from now on and when it is getting more regular, I can ring again.

3:30am, 16/01/2010
I had about another two hours strange sleep in bed, with my consciousness drifting in and out along with all the contraction pain comes and goes. At this point of time, I decided to wake up my husband and head to the hospital.

3:40am, 16/01/2010
I rang the hospital again saying that I am on the way. I grabbed the bag that had been packed probably two weeks ago and said good bye to my mother.

3:47am, 16/01/2010
We arrived at the hospital and went into the maternity ward through the emergency department. I was led to the birth suite, changed to the hospital gown. The midwife recorded contraction time, suggested me sitting on the gym ball. I wandered over in the room, quite capable of talking during the intervals with my husband and the midwife. I asked her questions about her labour experience. So far the pain was not so bad.

4:35am, 16/01/2020
After 45 minutes observation, I think I’d better ask an internal check to know for certain which stage I was up to.

The midwife performed the check, “one centimeter”, I was told. Is that all? With a speed of 1cm per hour to open up the cervix, I was told very politely that I still have a long way to go, probably nothing is going to happen until this evening or tomorrow morning.

Well, now I was thrown the question if I should stay on in the hospital or go home waiting.

5:15am, 16/01/2010
We chose to go home, at least one of us can get a decent short sleep.

I don’t really care. You can’t sleep well with too much anticipation, and I haven’t been able to sleep well with my big tummy for ages.

5:30am – 9:45am, 16/01/2010
So I lied on the bed for another 3 or 4 hours, with my brain all tensed up in that early morning, until the contractions were getting much obviously stronger. I only ate a little breakfast and insisted that I need to go to the hospital ASAP.

10am, 16/01/2010
Well, twice to the hospital. This time I decided not to come back before I have the baby. I went in, still the same suite, wearing the same gown, being checked the same routine but with a different midwife.

10:15am – 1pm, 16/01/2010
After almost 12 hours concentrating on recording the contractions, I felt quite hungry. But I didn’t see any food coming, so I asked. Apparently I was missed by the lunch trolley. At this point of time, the pain was not much different from those I had 3 or 4 hours ago.

1pm – 2:30pm, 16/01/2010
I ate the lunch, sat on the gym ball in the balcony, listened to the CD we brought over, walked around in the room, let my husband take some photos, and we explored where was the bed for him for the overnight stay……but in between all of these, was the pain, like the ocean waves attacking the sea rocks rhythmically. It’s getting closer and more painful now.

By the time when the morning midwife nearly finished her shift, I asked her to check how much I have progressed. I’ve got 5cm open. Well, I was doing not so bad.

2:30pm – 3:40pm, 16/01/2010
The new midwife for the afternoon shift came and introduced to us. They checked on me and baby’s heart beats and said they think it’s like a boy. I don’t think I need any surprise now after 9 months expectation to have a girl.

I was advised to use a hot bath. I have to say that it was one of the smartest things that I have ever done in my life.

The bath didn’t really work as a pain relief as they said, but took the body stress and tension away completely. Even I was in the pain, I still felt extremely relaxed and comfortable. I didn’t want to come out if the midwife didn’t mention that she doesn’t really like the idea of water birth.

4pm – 4:15pm, 16/01/2010
Not sure if the hot bath speeds up the labour or not, after 40 minutes in the hot water, the contraction became much much closer and stronger. I couldn’t even stand very well. So I transferred myself to the bed, before I totally lost the energy to get out. If midwife doesn’t like the idea of water birth, I’d better not freak her out.

4:15pm – 4:30pm, 16/01/2010
I can see the two midwives were busy preparing something and I can no longer talk “normal”. I used every short intervals to relax and even so, it’s getting more and more difficult.

I was offered the gas. Oh mine, I heard about it on the parenting course. Both my husband and I disliked the conception of “separation from the pain instead of truly taking away the pain”, but most of my female friends used it in their labour.

I hesitated a bit but didn’t refuse. I was given a pink tube to inhale via the nose and exhale through the mouth. It soon proved an awkward thing to me. I tried a few puffs, only because I wondered how it was going to work.

Funny thing was, I really don’t think it works on me. When the contraction came, I even didn’t have the energy to hold the tube. I felt it became an extra burden, a total distraction to me. It actually felt quite ridiculous. On that moment I think “Why should I waste my strength to hold a plastic tube which gives me nothing instead of just concentrate on dealing with the pain?”

I let go of the tube and determined to accept the pain as it is, just like what I have imagined in the past (you can call it birth plan). I guess if this is what it is supposed to be, let me just face it.

4:30pm – 4:45pm, 16/01/2010
The pain had gone beyond my imagination, and it is something I would never have thought if I didn’t have labour experience.

I heard my husband asking the midwife if this was the worst I will get, the midwife’s answer was “not until she gets crazy……” I guess my poor husband kind of prepared himself to see me become a wild animal, pinching him, biting him or tearing him apart later on.

Fortunately I never had really lost the control of my body, and my mind was even sharper in a very different way on that day. After hours pain, I know that I have entered the most important stage of the labour— pushing, but everyone in that room seems waiting for something else.

I was told not to push before my waters break, otherwise it would cause difficulties to get the baby come out. So they waited, I waited and waited and waited……the room was filled with a kind of alert silence as if hunters waits on their target to come to the bait, but nothing happened.

I wondered if my waters would ever break, it’s like forever, and that was the most helpless moment of my labour. Knowing that the process could go from minutes to hours, the pain felt even worse.

4:45pm – 5pm, 16/01/2010
Before I asked the midwife to manually break my waters, I started to feel the strong urge to push, it’s quite spontaneous. I screamed, no, I admit that I have screamed for quite a while.

I decided to listen to my own body, not to wait the moment of waters breaking. So I told the midwife I was going to push now anyway. I didn’t hear any objection, which is quite interesting.

The midwife opened up the side foot pads on the end of the bed, so I can step on something to do the job.

Pushing is a hard work, no wonder it’s called labour. I just want to get this done, for what I have endured, I don’t care anymore.

5pm – 5:04pm, 16/01/2010
For each push, I actually know I was progressing. I pushed harder and harder with the coming of each contraction. They told me that they can see the head or hair now. Well they still made the joke on my husband saying that it was black hair, and surely it’s my husband’s baby.

I made a very big push but couldnt finish up, and I know it’s almost half way through but it is stucked somewhere, which was very uncomfortable. I have to wait until the next contraction come to complete the job. I was determined to make it happen in the next push.

5:04pm, 16/01/2010

The contraction finally came. I did my best to push this last time and within seconds, my baby was handed to my chest. She was covered by sticky and slippery stuff but she is so alive.

I was overloaded with the joy of meeting my little person and absolute exhaustion. My eyes were a little blurred, not sure it was because of sweat or the tears.

Every single person on the earth was born like this, but to me, it is still like a miracle.

My beautiful baby girl, Vivian……!

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P.S. No one really knows when my waters broke. It remains a mystery in my birth story. I am really glad that I didn’t listen to the midwife and did more unnecessary waiting.