Coming back from the hospital, I tried to hold myself together in the office. I was angry at lack of compassion from some of night shift nurse and feeling that I was living in a huge uncertainty, also helpless. I rang doctor’s surgery and tried to have a chat with his doctor, but he was not there. However when one of my colleagues, who is very senior and always very kind to me, asked me how my husband is going, I kind of lost the control and burst into tears.

Then everyone tried to comfort me in different ways. They used their relations to make a complain to the Manager of Nurses of QBN hospital and urged the referral to be made to some haematologist or cardiologist in Canberra Hospital. I heard them talking about Dr. Michael Pidcock then Dr. Ann McDonald, but had no idea if the GP had already made a referral. They also tried to give me their home contact numbers just in case something comes up that I can at least get someone to help. Some of my colleagues even offered to live with me just to keep a company of me. I felt that I have never had a so difficult day in my life, neither have been so grateful to work in a place like here.

I got back home around 7:45pm as I waited till I got to see the doctor in the hospital. My headache got worse and worse. I didn’t even have energy to cook anything and wash the dishes. After having eaten some left-over from the lunch (I actually forgot to eat the lunch), I felt very sick in my stomach and my head was going to crack up. I ran to the bathroom, trying to vomit but I never made it. I decided that I had to put down everything and go to sleep immediately. I couldn’t bother to have a shower, and just went to the bed after taken two tablets of painkiller.

Hoping when I wake up, it’s tomorrow and tomorrow, will be different.