I almost forgot about it, and I wondered why I should be remembering it? For 10 years ploughing along or all that I have gained and lost?

It doesn’t feel right to summarise a decade of my life in such a casual manner, nor did I want to look back and make everything a big deal. Yesterday has become a history, tomorrow remains a mystery, and the present, I looked around, sensing the POWER of the passing time.

I remember vividly 3 weeks ago, I had seen red roses blooming under our bedroom window. That moment I knew I was rather happy, and I realised, “I have actually never missed a thing that I was not meant to miss….”

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I can see almost everyone behind that caravan intended to make an overtaking action, but because the traffic from the opposite side kind of was non-stopping, it needs guts (probably more a good judgement as well as the good time) to make sure any move would be perfectly safe.

So for about 30 minutes, there was no change of order on this lane at all. People got very impatient now, but what can you do? Rush out of the lane, press accelerator quickly to make it a speed of 130ks/ph and when passing by the caravan, give that horrible hand gesture?

I knew I was a bit late, not terribly, but it certainly would take much longer time for me to reach my destination. Really, because of my current life status, I really had no intention to make an overtaking, as I think I can wait and just strolling on the road with 70ks/ph was surely not that bad as bumping to a car from the opposite side. I eventually will get there and it would be just a matter of arriving there 15 minutes earlier or later.

But it got me thinking as this is actually a very interesting scene if you think about it. Let me give you a picture of what’s happening by numbering all the cars involved in this action. Say there are 6 cars, caravan is No.1, then there is No2, No.3….and I am the No.6. Between every two cars, there is only very little distance.

Now here is a theory. Whose responsibility to make the first overtaking action? It certainly won’t be No.4 to No.6, as they have more vehicles to go pass and much longer distance to make an overtaking to get to the top position, and it means the risk would be much greater than it would be for No. 2.

So the first overtaking action would be ideal if it’s taken by car No.2, or maybe No.3 depending on the situation. However, if No.2 or No.3 doesn’t comfortable to do so, it means that nothing is going to change.

So, now you know what happened over the time while I was there on that road. None of the Car No.2 and Car No.3 made a movement; neither did rest of the cars. But you can’t really complain, not to that stupid caravan, as it’s his (her) decision to make if s(he) wants to travel over the speed limit or in a position of making a traffic delay, and neither to any of car No.2 or No.3, as maybe there was never a good timing or safe gap for them to make a move, or they simply don’t want to make a move. Of course you have no right to blame car No.4 to No.6, as we are the most innocent victims.

The only thing we can do is “cursing” that caravan or whoever we want to curse. But seriously, shouldn’t it be the time for Road Authority to think about adding more overtaking lanes on this road for every 5-10 kilometres?

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At the end of the day, it really triggered me to reflect my life and also triggered my thoughts on pursuing a simple lifestyle in the future.

In those cupboards, I saw clothes that I used to fond of or no longer interested, electronic gears, old or new, little things I collected for my hobby that I hardly touch now, souvenirs that I bought on trips being dumped in the drawers, gifts that friends gave but I don’t really like ….

For the stuff we can afford, everything seems to have its duplicate counterpart, and everything is just gone beyond what we actually need. But guess what, do we actually see the problem? No. The stupid part is that we keep buying and get new things in.

Down to the earth, nobody really needs so many shoes, socks, scarves, waist belts, black pants, handbags, hats, cables, desktop lamps, wallets or purses, books….and as a matter of a fact, you only wear or use very little of all the stuff everyday or only for one third of your time. For those stuff you think to make your life easier to have it or you think you could get benefits from using them only once a year, it’s actually not worth to have it at all. It wastes money, wastes space, wastes time to clean, organise and eventually get rid of….it’s such an endless and fruitless practise that makes our life more complicated, tiresome and less happier.

In the context of a world of materialism and when purchasing new stuff, I don’t know how many people have a mechanism in them to ask “if this is something I actually need or it’s just what I want or desire?”

I don’t think I have that wisdom yet, though I really want to be on that path to embrace it. There are just so many things that we can not sacrifice or give away. From the surface, it seems that having stuff makes us feel safer, but when it’s gone too far on the opposite direction, like depending on materials too much in our life, it only makes us less satisfied and feeling more unsecure.

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……想想自己从小到大都没真地迷过中国古典文学，十几岁时最多是爱几首婉约的宋词给自己的无病呻吟找些共鸣，大多数时间都是憧憬着西方世界的异国情调。

现在补课也来不及了，惭愧惭愧！！仔细回味，还是自己的东西诵吟着更有一种悠远、回味迥长的意境。年轻时被忽视了的课本上似乎十分无聊的东西，在这个雨夜之后干净清爽的清明日子里，就着一壶淡淡的香茶，再读一遍……

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This Tuesday I went to Goulburn to do a home visit in an aboriginal family on my own. It didn’t turn out terribly perfect as the only adult in this family forgot about this appointment, regardless that I had rung her three times before I went over.

To be honest, I sort of knew this was going to happen, as from my past experience of dealing with aboriginal families, I figured it out that they actually have very unstructured life which makes everything just so hard to predict. In order to avoid this, I rang in the morning prior to the appointment, but…..what happened? They still forgot.

I suppose that after having travelled almost half way to Sydney and put lots of my work on hold to allow this appointment to happen, I could have been more annoyed and crankier if this is the first time. But I wasn’t, even though I had to speak to her two daughters with a screen door in between. On the opposite, I felt quite blessed…it’s better than talking to a closed door, isn’t it?

On this Thursday I spent a couple of hours in the afternoon at the Queanbeyan Youth Centre doing an Expo for the Youth Week. Again, I was on my own. For the time being over there, there were quite a lots of kids coming up, but I didn’t see any kids who have genuine interest in the information. They just want to have fun and a good time. Can you blame that?

As a result of that, my promotional bags and pens were all gone in a flash, but my brochures and handbooks. Kids are really funny people. They normally don’t realise who they are dealing with and how lousy their lies are. There was a boy who had taken more than 3 bags and pens at a time and still came back saying that he wanted more because he will give them to his grandmother and mother. Well, which grandmother or mom would carry a bright green nylon backpack?

I could have laughed out. But instead of that, I just smiled at him and said “go ahead and help yourself…” It’s not that I didn’t care, it’s just that I had learned that sometimes I need to allow myself to lose the control over the things that I want to control, have lower expectation towards other people, or simply just let it be.

Sometimes when I look back, I am actually surprised by how much I had submitted to the reality in my daily life. However, I am also equally surprised by how much I could have let it go by not insisting and pressing too hard (even though I am not so much a control freak).

I am like many others, had the time that I decided to be a nuts and give somebody else a hard time. But every time I did it, I regretted and felt really not worthwhile.

The hard feelings won’t go away and that’s the price for our own narrowness. Pointing out other people’s faults and mistakes, had never ever made me a smarter person. It takes me no where but makes me look like a grumpy whinger.

I had learned….and I felt the urge to take some time to reflect what’s all this about and what sort of person I want to be. There are so many different ways to look at the world, but I only wished I had the eyes to see the goodness.

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